It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How's work?
Spinning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I AM VODKA MAN
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
