How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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