this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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