Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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