I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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