guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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