history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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