Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
