what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
