I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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