I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
