a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
