o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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