yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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