I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
