There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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