I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wear drunk well.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
