i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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