I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
