He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
