Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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