I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
