U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
