we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
