At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
