ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
COCAINE IS GR8
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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