dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize