have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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