theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
