stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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