thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
