I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
