You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
