Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
