You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
