Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
