it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
