I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Text me some of your sweat
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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