Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When are your genitals available?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
