maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
