My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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