She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
