I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
