I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to make a zoo with you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
