i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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