Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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