I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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