I am in a vortex of obligation.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
