I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
