we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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