A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
