you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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