You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
