She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
