I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
