You really coming over, don't trick.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
