You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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