fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
