i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
