the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
