I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
