Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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