Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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