Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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