my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
