Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
