508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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