she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
