Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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