I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
