so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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