he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
