He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
