I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
