drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
